Becoming a Mother Afterall

Why the hell do we do it anyway? Wasn't it some old way to provide farmer's with more light during certain hours or something?

Is anyone else's baby all screwed up now because of it??? I had her on the most perfect schedule, almost down to the minute to when I knew she would get up.

Now, it is roughly an hour earlier than before.

I am all about starting a petition on the behalf of sleep-walking mothers everywhere that we ban daylight savings time. It is pointless.

Because I have no idea how the hell to format this post and make it interesting and captivating, which it really . . . isn't . . . . here are ten things that have happened since I have last posted.

1. Ainsley had her 6-month check-up and shots. She weighs 18.4 pounds, is about 26 inches long, and has a head the size of a large melon. (okay, it is 44 1/2 cm.) We had to wait ENTIRELY too long to see the doctor because of one head laceration, two asthma attacks, and an allergic reaction. I kept telling myself that it was a good thing we weren't there for one of THOSE reasons and we dealt with being there until Ainsley's bedtime. The new nurse did say, "Wow! What a big boy!" to us and I think that, in combination with the long wait nearly, just nearly, sent my husband over the edge. I gave him a lollipop and told him to hush.

2. I had exactly 7 meetings this week. How is this possible when it is only Wednesday????

3. I got a death threat for my dog in the mail. The letter basically said that "if you didn't shut your dog up, we will". I was so pissed that I made my rounds to every neighbor on our street and even the ones that live behind us. Not one single neighbor even knew we had a dog, which is what we thought! She is a geriatric deaf dog who spends her spare time sleeping and eating and sleeping more. Half the time she doesn't hear the doorbell anymore and the only time she barks is when a cat comes in the backyard while she is sunbathing. I don't get it.

4. The next day I found a dead rat in my front yard. Could it be the same IDIOT who sent the note? Or perhaps the cats in the neighborhood are smarter than I think and are conspiring against us . . . Hmmmm.

5. Ainsley is so close to crawling. She gets up on all fours and rocks back and forth. She scoots backwards. I actually put her on the floor this evening, went into the next room to make her a bottle and came back and she wasn't there! I immediately panicked and then saw she had scooted all the way around the couch into the corner and was trying to grab the dog. (who was asleep. See above.)

6. I got a new student. To make a very long story shorter, he is nine and can't read or write. He speaks English, so it is not because of language. Mom "homeschooled" him last year because she said he wasn't learning. (???) But she did not go the right routes to get him materials, etc. He missed most of third grade and just enrolled into fourth grade. I went the proper routes and we decided to retain him, place him into third grade, and test him for special education and get him some extra services to help him catch up with his peers, if that is even possible. Mom has NINE children and won't get him glasses, like he needs. She won't take free glasses. I called Child Protective Servies. He didn't show up to school today. I just happened to be at another student's house on my lunch speaking to her mother (next door to the school) and I saw this student playing at the pool with a hollowed out shotgun-like toy. Oh yeah, you heard me right. I asked why he wasn't in school. His response? "My Mom dropped me off this morning and I hid in the bathroom until the bell rang and then left school to go play. I don't care about school." WTF?

7. I cancelled HBO. I love Big Love, but I actually have no time to watch it, so I am keeping Netflix and when season 2 begins and then comes out, I will just rent it. I never thought I would be too busy (or tired) for HBO.

8. I made 80 caramel apples for our Harvest Festival at school on Saturday. We sold them to raise money for field trips. They sold out in a flash. I rock.

9. Read an article about Tara Reid's botched plastic surgery. Ew! She should have gone to Dr. Li. (Did I mention I watch Dr. 90210 and have a strange obsession with plastic surgery?) Did you know Dr. Li is pregnant again?

10. I weighed myself for the first time since shortly after I had Ainsley. How is it that I now weigh 7 pounds less than I was when I was got pregnant with Ainsley, but can only fit into half my old clothes?

Saw this preview at the movies. Just watching the trailer in the theater made me ball my eyes out. When you throw the words "infertility" and "all of the new babies are dying" out there, it is enough to send a chill up many of our backs. I think I am going to go and see it when it comes out.

Would love to know your thoughts.

Dear Ainsley,

You are 6 months old today, pumpkin! Six months ago today, right about now, I had dried my eyes for the upteenth time that day and the doctor called me on his phone from another surgery to talk to me about the possibility about having a c-section with you. To be honest, I was tired of having all of those nurses and people poke me and check me and I wanted so badly to see your face. I was disappointed, but it didn't matter, sweetie. A little after 9 pm, I got the best gift of all when I got to see your beautiful face and cover you with kisses.

These six months have gone fast. You have changed so much just in the past few weeks, it is unbelievable. You started daycare a few weeks ago. I cried all the way to work that morning. (Well, and on some subsequent mornings. Okay, so I still cry.) But you love your teachers Ms. Nina and Ms. Kristi. They have a lot of experience with little girls, as they have many of their own. At daycare, you painted your first picture yesterday. It is a masterpiece and I am already convinced you are going to be the next Van Gogh. As soon as they take it down from the hallway, I am framing it and putting it in the house for everyone to see.

These days you love to play with your toys. Your favorites are stackable rings and any kind of ball, as long as it rolls and you can stick it in your mouth. You are still in love with the dog, Chloe, and when we say, "Where's the puppy?" you look for her. In your exersaucer, you bop up and down to the music and follow the dog around the house and scream at her in hopes that she will come and lick your face. One of these days you will get a hold of her tongue and she is never going to speak to you again. You also like to look up at Daddy on the second floor and have recently started holding your arms out to us.


Crawling has become your new goal, but at the expense of your cheeks and knees, which are red and rough from all the face-diving and scrunching along. You have recently begun holding your bottles and yesterday morning, you threw it across the room and then attempted to go and get it, screaming, "babababababababa!" Was it bottle? Who knows. Then you angrily looked at me and screamed, "mummmmmmmummmmmm". Was it Mom? I think you know. Dad thinks it is a coincedence. He immediately picked you up and said, "Say Daddy! Say Daddy!"

I have said it before and I will say it again. Your Dad and I's lives have been enriched by you. You are such a happy, sweet soul who makes me a better person. I curse the red lights I hit when I am going to pick you up everyday and I can never seem to get there quick enough. Seeing you light up when you wake up in the morning is the best thing. And lately, our nights together of gentle rocking, celtic music, and whispering sweet nothings in your ears are moments I would not trade for the world.

You are my angel. It felt like it took forever to get you here and now that you are, I cherish every.single.moment. There is a line in a movie called "City of Angels" where an angel relinquishes his eternal life to be with the woman he loves. For me, I hear the line that is said in that movie over and over, and I have told you it before, through my tears when I am overwhelmed with how much I love you. "I would give it all up for you", sweet Ainsley.

I look forward to seeing how much more of a little lady you become in these next few years. I love you so much!
Love, Mommy

There is much screaming going on in the house of Ainsley these days. I have a sinus infection and a pounding headache, thanks to 28 fourth graders, and somehow Ainsley does not understand my begging.

"Please, sweetie, not in Mommy's ear." (As if she knows what an 'ear' is, she grabs mine.)
"Ainsley, please don't pull my earrings."
(screaming, struggling to crawl . . . while I am holding her)
"Ainsley, what the hell are you doing, girl?" (I put her down, she screams more.)

She abruptly stops and face dives into the carpet, pushes her butt up in the air, and scoots with her face and legs over to the exersaucer, which she looks up to longingly. Screaming commences yet again.

"Do you want to get in the exersaucer, Ainsley?" (I lift her and put her inside it. More screaming.)
"What?? What do you want? Please point! Talk? Something?! Oh my friggin' head!!"
(scream, scream, leaning over the side of exersaucer, looking at the dog, laughing and screaming at the same time - I take her out and put her back on the floor, more attempted crawl-manuevers, aka the army crawl.)

This goes on for twenty minutes. And then, when you least expect it, the sheer exhaustation of trying to crawl is like a good night of drinking and she passes out.



Apparently at daycare, she is struggling with the same issue.

Ainsley got a rotovirus from daycare and has a combination yeast infection from the antibiotics to treat her urinary tract infection two weeks ago. She is in good spirits, thankfully, but has an immense amount of diarrhea that seems to leak out of her butt every five minutes. Her butt is sore, my hands are tired of wiping and wiping and cleaning and changing and peeling off crib sheets twice a day, etc. For some reason, the past few nights have been so peaceful as I rock her to sleep. She gently clutches my hand and wraps her fingers around mine, then will bring the other hand up to touch my lips. I cried tonight because I get overwhelmed with how much I love her sometimes and knowing that she will never be smaller than she is today makes me so sad, in a strange way. She is growing up so fast . . .

When I took Ainsley to her doctor this afternoon, I asked the doctor about his son, who was born the night before the attacks that shook our world on Sept. 11th, 2001. He is just a sweetheart, but I have often wondered why he never had more children. He candidly told me that his wife had 7 miscarriages before his son finally arrived and they felt like they could not go through the chance of losing more children again. They are also both in their forties now.

I won't ever forget what it was like to long for a baby, and then lose hope when some random ER doctor tells you that you will not carry this pregnancy anymore and you need a D & C. But I don't know what it is like to lose a baby after I have seen their sweet face and held them close to me. Tonight as I fiddled around online, I stumbled upon this site through another I enjoy reading. It details the story of a mother and midwifery student who just recently homebirthed her third daughter and lost her all in a few hours. I balled, read almost compulsively, and went in and touched Ainsley's face and reminded myself how unbelievably lucky I am to have her here with me.

Well, as I sat and totaled up my outings to Babies R Expensive, I was slightly shocked to see how much I had spent. I bought furniture there, yes, but ON SALE! And I don't buy the necessities there and I got a lot of the larger items from my baby shower, so where the hell is all of my money going?

The big number . . . $3,483.38

And the winner is . . . Jaime. I am not sure if this is Jamie B. or Jamie @ Losing the Baby Wait, so one of you please let me know and send me your address so I can send your promised reward!

In the meantime, I have reorganized my money, formed a budget, and am attempting to spend only when absolutely necessary.

Thanks for playing, ladies. I now know I have at least 12 readers. (sniffle) At one point, it was more!