Becoming a Mother Afterall

Oh my, how quickly things change.

My daughter, after recovering from whatever the hell was bugging her belly for way too many freakin' days, is officially all over the place. The days of laying her down on the floor in one place to play are officially gone. I used to be able to bring her into my bedroom in the mornings and I could get ready while she played on the floor with her toys. Now? She chases the dog down the hallway, screaming at the top of her lungs because our dog thinks she is some evil mini-me and wants nothing to do with her. Did I mention that we don't have gates yet?

This morning (after a particularly tiresome chase-the baby epidsode in which she basically tried to put the dog's tail in her mouth) I decided all of this physical exertion has got to be getting me somewhere. Apparently I was right about something because folks, I officially fit back into three pairs of my old pants. And they are not even my fat pants. Can I get a hell yeah??

Anyway, other than that, life is the same. I am looking forward to Christmas break. I am off from December 15th through January 15th. Ainsley is transitioning to the next baby room at daycare now that she is mobile. The defensive Mom in me wanted to argue with the director because I secretly want her to stay with her two current teachers, but when I picked her up today, I can see how difficult it can be with one who crawls and a 12-week old who is just sitting there, minding her own business, when some wild, crazy baby wanders over to take away her toy and then bat at her forehead like it is a ball. Um, yeah, I don't know what baby did that.

On the blog front, I think something is in the water, too, because holy cow! Suddenly like half my blog roll is pregnant! That is precisely why I am going to drink juice for a while . . . .

Well, after Wednesday's night vomit session, as I said, we spoke in length to Ainsley's doctor on the phone. Nothing like worrying about your daughter to put a damper on Thanksigiving, but we made the best of it. We actually decided to wait on the upper/lower GI because she has not vomited since Wednesday night. (knocking madly on wood) She has since had two bowel movements, the last one which we transported to the doc today to have them test it for blood. It is funny, in a way, because it wasn't too long ago I was transporting my husband's little men to a different doctor entirely to have tests run. I am not sure which was more pleasant.

The good news is that her stool tested negative for any blood, but she is very constipated. The doc said to give her alternated water feedings for two days. Seems logical. She seems to be somewhat better, her color is better, but I think her first tooth is ready to make an appearance any day now, hence the screaming that never ceases around here. Nothing seems to soothe her poor mouth. This morning she chewed on my hand for a good half hour. Hopefully it will get better soon.

It was such a relief knowing that she is most likely not experiencing any type of bowel obstruction. The vomiting is still worrisome, but we are going to cross our fingers and just hope it took her longer to get over her bug or something. Other news: She crawled forward today!! And thankfully, she was here with us both when it happened and not at daycare. She started the morning scooting forwards on her belly and by lunch, she was doing some pretty impressive lunges. She is growing up so fast . . .

Lastly, Aunt Flo came for her belated visit this afternoon and she brought some champion cramps along with her. It comes with mixed emotions because I was really starting to think I was pregnant again. That is okay . . . I would much rather Ainsley be older when and if we are able to have another baby.

I know something is wrong with my daughter.

I am so overwhelmed by this obvious, unmistakable feeling that I have been physically shaking for the past three hours.

To make a very long story short, Ainsley has been sick with what we originally thought was a stomach virus for over a week now. She has been to her doctor twice and they are starting to look at other possibilities.

Tonight, after an incredibly violent episode of vomiting, I called her doctor crying and told him that my gut tells me my daughter is very, very sick. He sat on the phone with me, taking notes, ruling things out, discussing every possible symptom (and all of the ones she doesn't have) and we began narrowing down the possibilities.

What is good: Ainsley has been having bowel movements, although she did not have any over the weekend, which is something that never happens. She has no fever, no diarrhea, and she is not dehydrated because she is still peeing some and has tears. She has no obvious blood in her stool.

What is not good: Ainsley has been vomiting on and off for over a week now. She has shown extreme bloating in her belly and is not sleeping as well. She is not as playful and has been weaker. She has lost a little bit of weight. She also woke up Monday night at 2am and screamed for nearly 2 hours in extreme pain.

The possibilities: Ainsley has reflux, but reflux wouldn't cause this extreme vomiting. Cyclic vomiting syndrome does not fit her because it is not in a cycle-type fashion. Hypertrophic Pyloric Stenosis was an original thought, which is where the pyloric muscle in the intestines gets too thick and then a baby often begins not being able to digest food well. But it is almost unheard of in female infants and is usually only in babies that are a few months old.

Her doctor is leaning towards this.

I can't even begin to imagine Ainsley being that sick and I am worried to death. I have cried for the past two hours and I am so unsure of what to do. He wants us to go get an emergency upper GI done to rule things out (or tell us what is wrong with her.) He said since she is now sleeping and held down a little after the massive episode that it could most likely wait until tomorrow or Friday morning. I have no fingernails left from chewing them all off.

Oh yeah, and my gut about the reults of this will soon be discovered, as I am late.

I am at home with Ainsley, who is sick again. I have already laid the well-constructed guilt trip on myself about how my measily amount of breast milk has done this child no good and how daycare has suceeded in making her a regular at my local pediatrician's office.

But you want to know what I am most pissed off about??

Why is it that I have been trying to get her a flu shot for weeks and the doctor's receptionist tells me that they don't have them in yet, blah-blah-blah . . . and today, the nurse told me that they have to reserve their current supply for "state patients and medicaid patients" only. WTFFFFFFF?????

Am I the only one that sees what a huge problem this is becoming for those of us that work our butts off to get good insurance for our children?!?!?! We have to be the ones that get second-rate care??? HUH????

My friend Brandy sent me this link that I am going to share with you in hopes that you will use the valuable information and/or pass it on to other friends with small children. I, too, have heard a lot of talk about how children have to go into a booster seat once they reach 40 pounds, but this is not true. Please watch the video and you will understand why. You will need kleenex.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azgBhZfcqaQ

You may have to cut and paste the link - can't get the link key to work.

I swear I drafted this entire post in my head while I was trying to fall asleep last night. I do my best writing in my head, when I am nowhere near a computer. Somehow when I finally get a chance to sit down, it all comes out backwards and so NOT what I imagined it to originally be. Maybe once we become mothers, lists just make more sense.

1. Kier, I read your post. Congratulations! I had not read your blog before you took it down and now I can't find your e-mail address anywhere. I would love to talk to you about everything and see what your plans are for your blog, if you have any. Please e-mail me.

2. As you can see, Ainsley has her first blog over on the side. I am also password protecting this one because there are entirely too many creepy freaks out there. So, even though I am 99.9% sure of everyone who has the password for this site, I am asking that if you are interested in viewing her page, you e-mail me for the password.

3. Speaking of creepy people, a co-worker gave me this link to the National Sex Offenders Registry. It is called "Family Watchdog" and you can type in any address in the United States and it actually gives you a map with addresses and pictures of known sex offenders (and other criminals) near that address. I, of course, entered my home address and was pleased to see no offenders within walking distance to my home. But I entered in my school address and was totally blown away by how many live within 1500 hundred feet of my school. Two live next door to one of my female students. So, yeah, I am never going to sleep again.

4. Ainsley has figured out how to turn on and off the toy aquarium in her crib. Suprisingly enough, I think it soothes her because she always goes right back to sleep when the music starts. And no, she didn't sit up in her crib like that. I placed her there a few days ago. (Duh, Sara, now she knows how to work it, thanks to you.)

5. My husband and I are going on our third date tomorrow since the baby was born. When my Mom came to visit when she was 8 weeks old, we went and got a bite to eat. But that really didn't count because we called every ten minutes and missed her the entire time and couldn't even order dessert. My friend Kathy came over in August when Ainsley was 4 months old and we went to dinner and a movie. We got home at eleven pm and then Ainsley was up at midnight, so we were too tired to try to do it again. Cue Ainsley's amazing ability to now sleep 12 hours a night, knock on wood, so one of her "teachers" at her daycare came to watch her last month and we went out for dinner and a movie again. It was so nice to get a chance to get away and be together, just the two of us, for just a few hours. Well, Mike turned 30 last week and he had the flu, so Ainsley's teacher is coming over tomorrow evening again and we are going to go eat seafood and drink lots of wine! Woo-hoo!

6. Santa arrives tomorrow at my local mall. Do you know when someone was telling me about this that I actually thought in my head how cool it would be to someday get my child's picture taken with Santa. Then I remembered I actually have a baby now. ?!?!?! Does this ever happen to you?? Like I still feel slightly jealous when I see a pregnant woman, yet I haven't been sleeping just thinking (and worrying some) that I might be pregnant again? What the hell is wrong with me??

7. I have started contemplating what to get the little one for Christmas. Is it really strange that I look at the tag on toys now? Because really, the tag, to her, is the best part. She really is not that interested in the toy that much, only if she can play with the tag. (sigh) What are your plans for Christmas??

So, um . . . .

I have been slacking in the, how shall I say, the love-making department for a month or so now. Call it tiredness, feeling fat, or lack of drive, but I just haven't been feelin' it, much to my husband's surprise. Usually I aim to please and look forward to the chance to do so.

Last night, something came over me and I got my groove back. But I sort of screwed it up, and I don't mean that literally. Well, not really. Let me rewind . . .

We bought a new bed when we moved into the house a few months ago. It is a king and it is just lovely. I don't know how I ever slept on the other mattress, to be honest. But the bed we bought is slightly longer than the mattress - maybe it is a Cal. King? I don't know - but there is a small gap at the top of the bed where your head could possibly slip into, so we scoot the mattress up so the gap is at the foot of the bed.

Somehow during the fantastic show I put on last night, I managed to scoot the mattress down and the gap at the top widened without my knowing it. And at just the right moment, you know, the most important moment of the show, when it is my duty to get off the stage, my hands sort of slipped into the gap at the top of the bed and I wasn't able to leave the stage . . . in time. Do you feel me? Is this making sense?

At first, we both just looked at each other and giggled. "Oh well," Mike said. "People have kids that are fifteen months apart, right?"

(Coughing, choking fit)

So as I laid in bed last night and counted the days, I had to get up and reference my old FF charts. The day I usually ovulated?

I hit it right on the button.

Here is to a different kind of two-week wait. Holy crap.