Becoming a Mother Afterall

I know how much you wanted to hear about how Ainsley is sick again, right? God my measily 6 weeks of breastmilk must have been like tap water to her. I actually don't know if she is sick-sick or if it is teething-sick. Her nose is running up a storm and she has a slight cough. We were up a lot last night. Does anyone else still get up in the middle of the night (sometimes for no apparent reason) to comfort their nearly 9-month old? I was so hoping those days were over! (not the having to comfort her, but the solid sleep pattern we had for, oh, 8 weeks or so. . . . sigh . . . )

Anyway, we had some gift cards to *cash in* today, so we made our way through one of the more fancy, touristy malls here in LV. I went into Children's Place because Ainsley has now grown out of all 6-9 month clothing and even some 12-month things, so I am looking for 12-18 month outfits and 18 month outfits. I browsed through the sale rack and picked out a few things and did what I always do while trying to talk to her, pick up her sippy cup off the floor 456 times, and put her socks back on . . . I hung the clothes on the stroller as I walked around.

Yeah.

Made it all the way to the parking garage with baby in tow (and husband) before I realized that I had some rather cute outfits still hanging from the stroller. It is truly a miracle I don't leave the house in my pajamas, I swear.

I don't really consider myself a competitive person. Unless it comes to trivial pursuit. So why is it lately that I feel like I am not a great parent and everyone is doing a far better job than me??

I don't know where this is coming from. I may just be tired from all of the sickness. Mike was sick over the holidays, Ainsley was sick (twice), and I was sick, but couldn't actually be sick because, you know, who would do everything? Ainsley is teething up canine teeth, apparently, and I hate.every.damn.second.of.it.

This morning, I hadn't even been up 45 minutes when she began the wail-session of the century. For some reason, it put me in such a bad place, I actually had to go get a tissue to wipe my eyes. She has been hanging onto my pants and I am assuming the holidays have given her a bit of separation-anxiety because I am not allowed to leave the room to pee, shower, or fold the laundry. I have been trying to let her be some, crying/pouting or not. But she crawls almost as fast as I can walk, so tonight I actually tripped on her as I walked out of the room.

I guess I just feel . . .blah. I called the friend I mentioned in a previous post and granted, her daughter is a few months younger. But she never seems to have the cranky-baby issues I have and just absolutely loves staying at home with her all day. After nearly three weeks off and very little time to myself, I am starting to actually look forward to going back to work. In my mind, I feel like that is a horrible wish to have because I love Ainsley so much. In turn, I think that makes me feel self-conscious as a parent and I am always like, "Wow! Look how awesome that Mom or Dad is with their child!" or "Look how patient they are!"

Please someone tell me I am not alone.

More carseat drama. Makes me never want to drive with her in the car.